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Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
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so first big thing of the week is i made Peer Groups...as much as i wanted to take 5 credits i felt i could give up half a credit just to be part of an amazing program. i Felt so great when i was told i was chosen by someone who met me the day of the interview and thought i could be a good Peer Group Leader...the fact that she saw that in me and had to choose ten kids out of 40 is amazing. that made me happy. i want to be a great leader and be able to help someone the way my peer group leaders/counsler helped me.
well the weekend was pretty superb! FINALLY went to hollys. friday night went to dave's then had a horribly cold walk to hollys house at 2am..picked up sabbster and yea. Sat. was fucking great had a 2hr discussion/argument with jess/holly/mari/me/beani ended up being late to the show but whatever we got to see molotov and t.s. so that was good..we all chilled the entire night with brenden and will at seans and then went home and stood up till 5am..hmm did i mention we decided to call Power 105.1 and i won a cd and dvd pack....then my brother told his friend about it apparently we were actually on the radio..prettty funny shit..
well let me tell you...since monday morning i've wanted to go and beat the shit out of someone...i am so angry and pissed off.ahh! i got a new jacket yesterday i love it so much i already feel an emotional attachment coming along..hmm did i mention no school tomorrow? i feel so bad for my daddy..hes very not well..took the regents..And jsut in case you did NOT know this which is crazy but just in case...MISS MARIANGELA CHEESE KICKS SO MUCH ASS!
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Monday, December 15th, 2003
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"No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows
No, I can't forget tomorrorow
When I think of all my sorrows
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know.."
-those are the lyrics from a song that i am absolutely positively completely obsessed with...its soo..amazing..i love it..i've been really nostalgic and as wierd as this may seem i'll say it..last year was one of the worst and yet i think one of the best years of my life..as drugged as i was it isnt like now..i feel like time is going by So fast.its like im a junior in high school now and i'll be going to college in less than 2 years..and it scares me..i dont want to grow up but what the fuck can i do but deal with it...i kinda bursted out some emotions to my hollster today..but i had to tell her how i felt cause..shes my hollster and thats all there is to it.so yea i guess something was cleared..but i feel like everyday someone else is pissed off at me or soemthing & yea i know how im acting no one has to fucking point that out ive been a bitch i know it but i have my goddamn reasons.whatever,on another note ~~>edna where did you go?? such a big part of my life last year and barely exisiting now..why? i have no clue lolol anyways this is a very odd entry i guess im angry but at the same time just sad but then again kinda happy. i saw ed today funny times. family feud was soo fucking funny esp. when you're watching it with ed and chris. lool but someone please get the prescott's off there already..the lady with the Permanent surprised look is killing me...well actually they lost..FINALLY..lol..OH by the way chris and me made the new betty crocker 4 cheese mashed potatoes, almost as good as hollsters i must say! later -chicken fuckerss-
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Saturday, December 6th, 2003
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its snowing..very pretty but ruins a lot of what i had planned. i have never felt like i'd run out of things to say in here but i feel it creeping up on me..finally wrote a poem yesterday,i need that as it is one of the best things i do.(def. gonna take creative writing next year)anyways yesterday school was okay..the end of a very bad week..i swear i dont know but soo much bullshit has been happening but no one except chrissy knows about it and i think i'll fucking keep it like that..some people just need to get over themselves and open their fucking eyes to reality..i've been so angry i want to fucking punch something..im gonna make some hot chocalte later and read a book because i have no life today..its too bad to go out esp. since im in brooklyn and not in a walking distance to my friends..i need to start shopping for christmas..but i dont want it to come..this snow better stop by tonight because i need it like i need an asshole on my elbow..
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Wednesday, November 26th, 2003
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yea so its been so fucking ok i took my belly ring out yesterday apparently the lady in spain did it wrong.it didnt get infected or anything but the skin was just too thin so im gonna let it close and then mayyybe get it done again..then again why would i waste another 30 bucks when i can just buy better things?.like beer.in other news i went to chris's house today and that was fucking great as usual. talked to that kid i've been seeing lately he's pretty funny.BOB.lol boooogaaaa..weekend was really fucking cool and i got my nails done..CAUSE I FUCKING FELT LIKE IT AND I LOOK PRETTY..tomorrow is sabbys birffffffdayy..happy birthday you dumb slut. i fucking love you even if you do spend 45 dollars on von dutch hats that are sexy but so not worth it when u can spend it on drugs or me. hahahh i <3 your broke-ass self in Life..omggg i saw ED today!!! the love of my fucking lifeee =P -my brother's off to the amry in january....tomorrow~~> staten island..yuuckkk..
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Monday, November 17th, 2003
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i got my black and white pictures developed they came out nicer than i thought they would & they reminded me of the good summer days when everyone in those pictures were almost the only things i needed to get by everyday..i miss that a little..but i do have everyone else..hmm i got my report card..88Avg. not as good as i had hoped for but i'll live..yea some shit went down for the past few months..actually mad shit has gone down,anyways,i got to talk with two people today and it felt good and it was mutual and i realized things are going to be okay between us.so today was pretty good..not too much of anything happened..but hey whatever..nothing has really been happening soo i thought i'd write somewhat of a pointless entry lol..i miss <3J<3
-ashbee-
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Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
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i got it all
but i feel so deprived
I go up, I come down
And im emptier inside.
What is this thing that i feel
Like im missing and
Why cant i let it go?
Theres gotta be more to life
Then chasing down every temporary high
To satisfy me
I got the time and im waiting it slowly
Here in this moment im halfway out the door on to the next thing
Im serching for something thats missing...
-i couldnt have said it better..theres something wrong..i had a kicass weekend but something deep down is killing me..theres something just really wrong with this picture but i dont see it..i cant see it..i just wanted to speak to someone..but i couldnt find that someone..i wish i had him here with me i wish i could just speak to him forever because i know he wouldnt get tired of hearing the same shit..because hes just like that..we understand each other and dont give a shit about anyone else..i need to get some time alone..i need to just be fucking alone..sit somewhere and think..and write and just relax..before my mind and heart explode from all the anger, pain & frustration i hold in there...life just sucks so much..and you cant ever say that enough..
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Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
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so yea so much has been happening and life is really superb! things are going really well school wise,a little stressful at times though.aww reed is sick guys!! i felt so bad i found her at the nurse laying down..then roberto molested her lol then i drank coffee and had my usual wonderful talks with lar..i love larry sooo much (im always here for you =P)& i feel like smacking big head lol. hmm halloween is coming up it should be fun..either way i dont want to be home so hopefully it wont end up that way..if it does then whatever..life goes on..uhhhhhh let me see theres soo Much to say..i dunno theres just so many thoughts going through my head, i feel like my brain is going to explode any minute.but i'd rather keep my mouth shut.im making lollipops tonight..oh by the way the show this weekend went well..saw some people i wish i wouldnt of seen but thats not important..i hate when people exploit others.goddamn motherfuckers.
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Sunday, October 19th, 2003
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..stars were bursting in the air and yet we stared into each others eyes..as if nothing phased us but each other..i sat on your lap..giving hugs because theyre free and with love..a beer in your hand and a ciggarette in my mouth..when intoxication stole our moment..perfect timing..when your lost..so so lost doors keep closing everywhere you look. so i jump through the vent..but that takes me nowhere but back to where i started..when i sleep with my eyes wide open because im scared that if i close them i'll never see you again..no matter how bad you treat me i love you..i dont want us to end..i never want it to be over but i know one day i'll have to say goodbye and close my eyes..and hope for something better..when you want something dont look at it chase after it..i say get what you want when you want..somehow everything brings us together..stories..memories..music..culture..religion..politics..& people..when your roaming through the subway waiting..all u do...you have no fucking idea where you're going or what the fuck you're doing there..Sing Goddammit SING! motherfucking cunts Sing...you ruined everything actually i ruined everything a natural process..goddamn everything that comes my way, power peace shit fuck you..and fuck it all..im happy with everything thats happened..im happy with us..
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Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
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i've been coming straight home everyday to make my interception BUT apparently it will arrive when im not home because thats the way life works.to fuck you over. So i think i'll just stop trying and when it arrives just make the parental unit call the school because she lied..that dumb fat bitch..in other news im quite sick and its annoying because its just not going away as a matter of fact just getting worse so yea to the doctor i go either today or tomorrow..oh by the way a lovely big THANK YOU to Mrs. D'agrosa..she made me lunch..i looooove youuu! *baby* ehh..i did well on fupa's test surprisingly b.c. i convinced myself i had failed..Oh..i had the Greatest weekend man..mad chill..okay well Da Vinci's code..MAD interesting shit.apparently shmitty thinks "we're close...we go way back.." yea whateverrrr...if it wasnt for that intercepting process i'd be having a better day or week for that matter..i was really bothered by a comment i got from someone today..im not gonna say who but ughhhh it just irritated me soo much.
Im really in a lazy ass-wanna sleep all day- and listen to the clash kinda mood-
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Thursday, October 9th, 2003
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why has this week been soooooo fucking boring?!?! nothing except stupid things have happened...like explosions and some wierd freshman vomiting on 5 ppl..just disgusting..i feel like a goddamn spokesperson..im trying to get lots of ppl to go to test specimen's show cause well theyre worth going to redzone for..(or atleast thats the only reason why i would go to redzone)so i think i've recruited a good amount of ppl..i scared some people..but hey its all good..moving on fupa is still fucking gay and well school is SOOOOO boring..there is absolutely NOTHING happening...i come back so bored and tired and blah..like now..im watching recess. y.a.y. the only cool thing is im pregnant..besides that nothing is new..does anyone besides me and sabina watch degrassi? lollo that show is so incredibly grrreat.
i couldnt sleep the other night..so i picked up my bass and played for over an hour and it felt soo good..and ended up helping me fall asleep..im reading The Da Vinci Code..Smitty wants me to tell him about it when im done and i said O.K...this weekend ppl are crashing at the coolest place in brooklyn...i really hate being sober soemtimes.
like now.
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Monday, October 6th, 2003
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ho bisogno di leggere perche ho un'esame di storia domani..anche sono pigra y stanca..ogni giorno no dormo molto e sono molto molto stanca en la scuola..anche la scuola sono noisa..perche e la scuola!! no ho bisogno di detto niente..sorry i had to ramble in italian first.theres really nothing to say.things are going good..but i still make pretty stupid decisions like today..hmmmmmmm so i hope my latest plan works ;) some people are SO stupid..everyday humanity takes stupidity to a Whole new level (& it kills me in every imaginable way) lolol -ciao
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typomofo's journal
crushed.
lethargic.
contemplative.
djftuf7utjn4e46.
enraged.
aggravated.
indifferent.
indescribable.
nervous.